10 Christmas Gifts I Don’t Want to Receive

Look, I love Christmas. I love the Orchard Road lights (even if I only see them from inside the bus), I love the excuse to eat log cake for breakfast, and I love the public holiday.

But let’s be real. I am a 30-year-old with a full-time job, a BTO that requires constant cleaning, and a bank account that is recovering from renovation loans. My patience for clutter is at an all-time low. I don’t have space in my bomb shelter for more junk, and my Carousell account is already working overtime.

So, if you are my colleague, my distant relative, or my Secret Santa with a $20 budget, please read this. Here are 10 gifts I absolutely do not want to unwrap this year.

The “Live, Laugh, Love” Mug

I have three shelves in my kitchen. Three. They are currently occupied by the expensive aesthetics mugs I bought from Taobao, the free ones from my credit card sign-ups, and the chipped one I stole from my parents’ house. I do not need another mug with a generic inspirational quote. Unless it self-washes or dispenses Kopi C automatically, keep it.

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A 2025 Physical Planner

Guys, I work in a corporate office. My life is ruled by Outlook and Google Calendar. If it’s not in the cloud, it doesn’t exist. Giving me a physical diary is just giving me a guilt trip in book form. I will write in it exactly one time (January 2nd), and then find it in my drawer in 2027, completely blank and mocking me.

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Generic “Lavender” Bath Sets

You know the ones. They come in a basket that looks nice but is actually made of scratching wire. The lotion smells like a public toilet air freshener, and the shower gel dries out my skin faster than the aircon in my office. I have my own skincare routine that I spent way too much money researching on TikTok. Please don’t mess with my pH balance.

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Useless “Dust Collector” Figurines

My HDB flat gets dusty if I so much as blink. Giving me a porcelain angel, a wobble-head reindeer, or a “festive” paperweight just means you are giving me a chore. I have to lift it up to wipe under it every week. If it doesn’t serve a function (like holding my phone or opening a beer), it’s going straight to the recycling bin.

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Re-gifted Corporate Swag

I see that “Company XYZ” logo on the power bank. I know you got this from your D&D door gift. I know you didn’t buy this. It’s okay to be cheap—I’m Singaporean, I understand—but don’t insult my intelligence. At least paste a sticker over the logo, lah.

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DIY “Grow Your Own Plant” Kits

I can barely keep myself alive after a 9-to-6 work day. What makes you think I have the energy to nurture a basil plant in a tiny pot that sits on my service yard ledge? It will die in three days, and then I will feel sad. Don’t give me sadness for ChrisA cartoon drawing of a tumbler bottle with a “Google” logo on it.A cartoon drawing of a tumbler bottle with a “Google” logo on it.tmas.

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Picture Frames

Who prints photos anymore? Serious question. All my photos are in my phone, backed up to a cloud storage I pay $2.99 a month for. A picture frame is just an empty glass rectangle that I now have to find a picture for, go to a shop to print, and then realize the size is wrong. Too much admin work.

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Vouchers with Impossible T&Cs

“$10 off! (Minimum spend $100, valid only on weekdays between 2pm and 4pm, excluding eve of public holidays, outlet must be in Tuas).” Thanks. This isn’t a gift; it’s a math problem and a traffic jam combined. Just PayNow me $5, seriously. I won’t judge.

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Novelty Drinking Games

Roulette wheels with shot glasses? Tic-Tac-Toe with beer? These things are fun for exactly 15 minutes during the party. After that, they are bulky boxes that live in my storeroom for five years until I move house. I’m 30. My drinking game is called “Drink a glass of wine and try not to fall asleep on the sofa by 10pm.”

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Towels (That Don’t Absorb Water)

There is a special place in hell for towels that feel soft but just push the water around your body instead of drying you. I have curated my towels to match my bathroom tiles. Do not disrupt the aesthetic with a bright red towel that sheds lint everywhere.

If you really don’t know what to get me, buy me a coffee, get me an NTUC voucher (practical!), or honestly? Just write a nice card. I’d rather have zero clutter and a heartfelt message than a ceramic Santa I have to list on Carousell on Boxing Day.

Merry Christmas, and may your Secret Santa never give you a photo frame!

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